| By Kristina McMorris | August 5, 2009 |
I officially had my first senile moment. Yes, I’m merely in my mid-thirties. Which is why the incident, though only involving a missed dentist appointment (and really, who could blame me for that?!), frightened me with thoughts of what is to come.
While reviewing said-event, my slowly deteriorating brain flashed back to a similar but much more troubling moment from several years ago. I was eight months pregnant with my first child, shopping leisurely at Costco, praising myself for how I had somehow managed to bypass those crazy mental hiccups that every prego woman on the planet BUT ME seemed to suffer from.
The self-worship abruptly ended when, standing in the checkout line, I glanced down and realized, to my shock and bewilderment, that the cart before me was NOT mine. Not only was it a regular SUV-sized Costco grocery cart, while mine was a squeaky, metal, testosterone-inducing flatbed to carry desk furniture, but it was completely full, brimming with everything from camp equipment to a year supply of frozen quiches.
Frantic questions raced through my mind: Where did I find this cart? How long have I been pushing this thing around? And WHO here has my highly sought-after desk set?!
Alas, I did what any respectable pregnant woman would do in such a situation: I oh-so-casually guided the cart away from the line, relying on my old glorious acting days to project the look of an average shopper who Oopsie, forgot to pick up one more item. I then stealthily ditched the hijacked cart several rows from where I thankfully spotted my flatbed, avoiding eye contact with anyone who appeared to be on a desperate hunt for their missing quiches (likely even thinking THEY were the ones having a senile moment).
Ah, well. Whatever doesn’t kill us, gives us fodder for our fiction writing. Right?
What about you? Any senile or prego moments you’d like to share with the group? C’mon, now. I know you have at least one.
August 5th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Ah-ha! So that is what happened to my shopping cart!
LOL! I have those moments whenever I’m in the throes of a story. It’s amazing how much less information my brain can hold when its trying to plot the course of true love.
I enjoyed your post, Kristina.
August 5th, 2009 at 8:36 am
LOLOL!!! Seeing as how I’m 8 months preggers right now, I’m surprised I even found my way to the computer this morning!
Here’s some senile/prego brain lapses I’ve had in the last week or so….
~I told my husband I was going to pick up our eldest daughter from camp, except instead of saying “Ashleigh” I said “Diesel” which is the name of our dog…and completely confused the poor man.
~While taking my older daughter to camp, which is at the gym in our neighborhood, I’ve driven to Wal-Mart twice this week, leaving her bewildered and me completely confused.
~I went to the store to buy batteries and came home with pizzas…
Can’t wait to see what happens today!!!
August 5th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Hmm, anti-spam word: authors. Interesting.
No prego moments (or maybe I just can’t remember them since I’m in my 40s) but senile ones abound. A conversation just yesterday with one of my kids:
Me: “Oh, remind me I need to order the thing. For the thing.”
Kid: “Oooookkkkaaayyyy.”
I meant the blade cover for the riding mower. Kinda important if I don’t want Kid to lose a foot while mowing.
Good news is: I got it ordered. Without the word “thing” in site.
I hate losing words when I’m speaking. Happens frequently. I put it down to too many things going on in my head instead of senility. Makes it sound better – that I’m thinking faster than I speak.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Too funny! I’ve done that more than once myself and I didn’t have being pregnant as an excuse. Just plain not paying attention! I do remember when I was pregnant with the twins: My stomach was so big it was my last drive in the car since my feet barely touched the pedals. I was headed to my brother’s house (where I had gone about 2-3 times a week for years at that point) and got lost. Keep in mind, this was my own neighborhood… I had been raised there, for criminy sake! Anyway, it all turned out ok, but it was a terrifying few minutes.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Oh, and here I thought you were going to tell us you’re pregnant again, Kristina!
Truthfully, I don’t THINK being prego made my brain fuzzy(my hubby might disagree), however, my DIL is presently carrying my first grandchild (a boy!) and she’s been complaining about being brain-dead.
Now real CRS-senility is another matter. That’s rapidly setting in.
But take heart all authors! I’ve read that creative writing supposedly delays the onset of Alzheimer’s.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:34 am
LOL, Kristina. I guess you found your own shopping cart eventually. I can’t remember any senile prego moments but i have many NON prego senile moments. Too many to bother sharing. Just yesterday I tried to get into someone else’s black toyota…TWICE in one day. Crazy.
Have a great day everyone!
August 5th, 2009 at 9:36 am
My husband and I went to a wedding on the wrong day. Since there was an actual wedding going on, we didn’t even realize it right away. Unfortunately, I did not have pregnancy as a excuse.
August 5th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Sorry, Kristina. No prego moments of note come to mind, however that doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. I seem to have “selective memory” these days. As my baby girl is 28 today, I suppose that can be forgiven.
Thanks for the smile, Sweetie.
August 5th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Kristina, what a hoot! Thanks for the morning laugh. With four pregnancies in five years I had a…er…few prego moments. When pregnant with kiddo number three I experienced this gem: I was in a crowded church office writing a check for something, and I must have been standing there awhile looking a wee bit confused. The office manager finally asked if I needed help. I looked up from my checkbook and asked, “What year is it?”
August 5th, 2009 at 10:04 am
LOL! I can totally see you innocently slinking away from the cash register, Kristina!
And Kelly–the wedding story had me snorting my smoothie! How long did you stay before you figured it out?
My duh moments all seem to involve the car. I always forget where I parked–and I’m always plotting when I drive. I’ve missed the turn into my son’s gym a million times because I’m caught up in the 18th century!
August 5th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Lol Kristina! I’ve never been pregnant but have been having senile moments for years. On a weekly basis lately. Way too many to even remember.
Here’s a recent one:
Came home from running an errand to pick up something before running another errand. Two hours later I’m standing in the kitchen trying to figure out the noise in the garage. Open the door and my car is running. For two hours! At least I left the garage door open. Got off on doing something else and forgot I left the car running while I just “popped” in the house to grab something. Hel-lo…
So you’re not alone Kristina!
Beth
August 5th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Okay, I can’t claim a prego disorder contributed to my senile moment. But believe me, I’ve had a few real doozies. The most memorable one occurred when I drove my Toyota Corona to my husband’s karate school, visited with him, and then jumped back in it. I drove all over town, going to the post office, a dentist appointment, lunch and then shopping at the local grocery store. It wasn’t until I opened the trunk to load groceries that I noticed something was off.
There was all kinds of junk in the back that I was sure I didn’t put there. After surviving the outside of the car further, I realized I wasn’t driving my car!! It was the same color, same model and the key even fit. Yipes! I drove the car back to the karate school and parked it exactly where I found it and scrambled into my car which was parked a short distance away. To this day, I still wonder if anyone noticed their car was missing for two hours. ROTFL
Linda aka Kaylin aka Senile Mama-Pixie
August 5th, 2009 at 10:56 am
LOL, Theresa, you need a big yellow ribbon bumper sticker like mine. Solves that problem–I know.
Fun post, Kristina! When my boys were small, and I’d be in a hurry, hustling them somewhere, I’d mix up their names which are Matthew and Adam and end up calling for Madem!! Happened all the time… LOL
Also, when driving and talking on the phone I’d look out and think, where exactly am I going?!? It’s frightening when that happens. Doesn’t happen anymore because California made it illegal to talk and drive at the same time. I guess the lawmakers were thinking of me. Ha!
And, believe it or not, I JUST NOW- THIS MORNING had a senior moment (oh how I hate the sound of that). I’m scheduled to blog today at Petticoats and Pistols. On booting up I was a tiny bit dismayed that they hadn’t put up by blog yet. I did a few things, checked back. Looked at my calendar three times checking the date. Worried what was wrong. TODAY IS WEDNESDAY NOT THRUSDAY!!! Okay they’re on schedule—can’t say the same about me.
Hope y’all are doing better than that…. :0
August 5th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Hi Kristina,
Your post made me laugh. I’m sure I had many prego moments, but I’ve lost so many brain cells over the years, I just don’t remember any stories. But trust me, they were good.
August 5th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Kristina, I enjoyed your fun post. And the comments are great too. Wish I could add a story, but my little gray cells are so “mature,” I can’t even recall one this morning.
August 5th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
OH, these are too funny. I feel better now. ha! Shelley, forgetting the year is hilarious! And Linda! Woah! thank god I’ve never been able to get inside someone else’s car…I never imagined that the key might actually work!!! That’s crazy.
Weddings and cars running for hours…good to know we’re all crazy!
August 5th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Anti-spam word, readers. Hmmm, VERY interesting.
You all have sure made me feel better, anyway. I feel so much less alone, somehow. Not that I have funny stories the way everyone else here does, although I did forget the code to the secuity alarm after about ten years of keying it in on a daily basis. And yes, the alarm people called, and I had to tell them that yes I am the person who a) set the alarm code in the first place and b) opens the door every day — but I forgot!
August 5th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Loved this post. Yes, I’ve had my share of senile moments, but I’ve forgotten most of them. See? Forgetfulness can be as blissful as ignorance.
August 5th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
OMG, gals, you’ve cracked me up with your posts, once again!
Keena – Your quiches were delicious! Hee.
Eliza – I thought the Wal-mart story was funny–until I read about your bringing home pizzas instead of batteries. Hysterical. Good thing you’re a beautiful, charming pregnant gal; for that alone, you get a free pass. LOL.
Judi – Thanks for posting about your “thing.” I’m glad to hear all worked out with the thing, when you bought the thing to put into the thing. Ha. You’re too funny.
Minnette – Yet another reason why I adore you. Thanks for the hilarious image you conjured!
Laurie – Great to know about the Alzheimer’s prevention. I’ll start writing faster and more often now!
Theresa – Oy. I hate when that happens. I recall at least two times I’ve stood in front of another person’s car and repeatedly punched the keyless entry button, convinced the batteries were getting low — until I noticed a bumper sticker that wasn’t mine (something like “Have you hugged a tree today?”).
August 5th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Kelly – LOVE the wedding story! Sooo funny. I hope you remembered to take your wedding gift with you when you slipped out. LOL.
Gwyn – Happy birthday to your baby girl! How fun.
Shelley – I know. That whole year-changing-annually thing is confusing. Come to think of it, I often forget exactly how old I am. It’s so embarrassing when someone asks and I have to subtract the current year from my birth year in order to answer.
Deb – The worst is when you’re searching for your car in a full parking lot and another car is following you because they’re hoping to take your space–only you don’t know where that space is! Or does that only happen to me?! (I’ve had to pull the same maneuver as in Costco, actually — where I “acted” like I forgot to get one more thing in the mall, so they’d stop following me. Ha.)
August 5th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Jennifer – Ooh, I’ve done the security code thing too. I HATE having to call the security company. I always feel like a moron.
Beth – Yep. Done the leave-the-car-running-in-the-garage thing too. I meant to run in and grab something really quick, and the old OH! I FORGOT TO CHECK AN EMAIL thought kicked in… and the rest is history. I think the car was running for about two hours too. Wow. Forgot about that one. I don’t think I ever shared that story before…
Caroline – Do you happen to drive a green mini-van with “Have you hugged a tree today?” bumper sticker on it? Just wonderin’…. no specific reason.
August 5th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
You know…. reading these posts, I started off feeling good about the fact that I wasn’t alone. But I’m suddenly feeling even worse off than before, realizing that I’ve done just about EVERYTHING you’ve all listed, at one time or another. Ugh.
Rebecca, Keli, Therese – I WILL get stories out of you. Eventually. One way or another. Ha.
Mom (Linda) – I’ve always loved that story. Stranger than fiction.
August 5th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Kris…I swear to God you are good at those hooks. I, too, thought you were pregnant again, you little vixen.
And I have to say as funny as the image of you wandering around Costco is with the wrong cart, Linda wins the prize with her driving-the-wrong-car story. Now that is a hoot!
I have three kids so I’ve done numerous stupid things. But as for true preggo brain…the worst was just after I found out I was pg with #3 – which was a bit of a surprise. One of my closest friends from grad school was getting married and was having her bridal shower. I completely spaced it off. Didn’t even remember the event until a day later. All of my friends were concerned. No one knew what to do or say. They were all worried hubby and I were having serious marital problems as it “wasn’t like me to forget something as important as that”. Duh. I was pregnant. And we all know pregnancy kills brain cells.
August 5th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Mama Pixie!!! That story is so funny. In the news last week, an elderly woman defended her car from three car-jackers. Except it wasn’t her car – it was theirs! They then reported her as a carjacker. The police were too amused to press charges. Kristina, you are so right. The truth is way, way stranger than fiction. Meanwhile, I’ll be keeping two hands on my shopping cart since we live in the same metropolis.
August 5th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
That’s a great story! And Linda, I can’t believe you took the wrong, car!
I’ve heard someone else talking about all the cars of a certain make having the same key in the past. Boy, times have changed.
I know I’ve had lots of senile moments. Having one right now, because I can’t think of any.
August 5th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
These stories are too funny (and sadly sooo recognizable). I’ve been thinking on this all day since reading the blog this morning and like Therese Walsh, I’ve blissfully forgotten most of mine.
I did remember one that happened to me though and it proves not only women are susceptible. When I was a toddler, my father feared he’d lost me in the department store. He apparently was running around frantically looking for me, asking everyone if they’d seen a small girl. Finally some brave soul said to him, “You mean the one sitting on your shoulders?” Yup, he’d had me on his shoulders the whole time he was looking for me.
August 5th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Oh, my goodness, Kristina! Your story had me rolling on the floor! That is too funny!
I’m actually 5 months pregnant now, but I don’t have any funny stories to share…yet. Of course, I could have just forgotten them already
LOL!
Thanks for the laugh!
Jerrica
August 5th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
One more thing…
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that my husband has way more “prego moments” than I do, without, obviously, the excuse of being pregnant OR old!
My favorite story is from when we first started dating. I had spent the night at his place (which was a block from mine) and then he walked me home on his way to work the next morning. As we were leaving, I noticed he was holding his bath towel, but I didn’t say anything. I wanted to see how long it took him to notice. He never noticed until I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard!
August 5th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
My prego moments usually revolved around noticing for the first time how much my darling hubby rides the breaks when he drives, and requests for food that go unheeded. When a pregnant women gest hungry, she wants to eat ten minutes ago! And turns instantly into a demon-posessed maniac if he doesn’t move quickly enough. But my husband quickly learned where every fast food joint was located in our state!
August 5th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Kristina, that is *hilarious*! I had a many moments of “pregnant brain,” though they seemed to come most often when I was in the middle of a lecture.
I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from pregnant brain. Just tonight, I was chatting with my hubby while making dinner and looked down to see I’d dumped the ENTIRE box of pasta into the water. Just me, my hubby, and our little guy, but here we sit with enough pasta to have you all over.
August 5th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
I think you’re doing well to have your first senior moment in your mid thirties : )
I have them all the time, and the busier/more stressed I am, the more I have them. All my appointments have to go into my phone and calendar so I don’t forget them. And I’m forever looking for the glasses I’m wearing or walking into the kitchen only to think “why am I here”. I tell myself it’s just because my brain only has room for so much info in it’s RAM, so something’s gotta give.
August 5th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Eli – Hey, I haven’t been a PR director for ten years for nothin’. Ha. Too funny that everyone thought a marital blow-out was to blame.
Darcy – The car-jacking story is hilarious. And yes, you’ve been warned about your shopping cart. Watch out.
Maureen – Thanks for stopping by, sweetheart!
Mary – Love the story about your dad. I’m happy to announce that, SO FAR, I haven’t done that one. Yet.
August 5th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Jerrica – The towel story is priceless! Glad I gave you a giggle.
Cheryl – I personally never left home without a box of cereal in my car. I should have purchased stock in Kellogg’s. Ha.
Leshia – Ooh, pasta sounds good. Could we join you? LOL.
Melanie – Sadly enough, I can relate. In fact, somewhere between the chiropractor appt. yesterday morning and McD’s last night, I lost my cell phone. Which is on vibrate. Grrrr….
August 6th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
A day light and a dollar short, but great post, Kristina! Too funny!
I’ve had sooo many of those moments. They didn’t stop once the kid arrived, either! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten in the car, started driving somewhere and ended up somewhere completely different. (I figure the kidlet took all my memory cells with him on the way out, ’cause he’s got a great memory and I got nothin’ left.)
The latest is that a MONTH ago, I picked up some books at a chapter meeting to donate to my local library. I’ve been to the library about, oh, a half-dozen times since then… and the books are STILL in the back of my car. ::sigh:: Maybe next month I’ll remember to actually carry the bag inside with me!!
August 7th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I’m several days late, Kris, but you know me–it’s typical.
I always think of senior moments and mom moments because my mother always had such doozies! One day she decided to check the oil in her car and announced it to me. I said something like “Good for you.” Fifteen minutes later she told me she was a quart low. I nodded and went on with what I was doing, not paying much attention when she went back to the garage. Another fifteen minutes goes by and she comes back into the house holding the dipstick to tell me she can’t figure out how to get the oil in that tiny little hole. LOL
So one day I’m driving around Boise, Idaho where I lived at the time. I know Stephen my DH was in the car with me and I think my son Tony, may have been too. I look over at this field, a field I passed daily, and notice that all the horses in the field were extremely short. They had full sized bodies but very short legs. I said, “Hey, honey, look at those short horses!” Stephen just rolled his eyes and said “Robin, they’re standing in irrigation ditches!” What did I know? They don’t have irrigation ditches in Brooklyn where I’m from, though, they don’t have short horses either. I’ll never live that one down. I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants.