| By Cindy Procter-King | November 10, 2009 |
Or…Airport Nightmares
*Names have been changed to protect the mildly insane.
Traveling can be a nightmare. Whether you’re flying for pleasure, business, or personal reasons, it seems like you can’t spend any time in an airport these days without at least one minor thing going wrong. Or maybe ten minor things. Or eighteen major things. The more you travel, the greater the likelihood that you will encounter airport aggravation. No one knows this better than my friend, Claudia. (Apologies to any real Claudia Zenks out there. I promise, this is not you. I told my Claudia that I would use a fake name for her story, and Claudia Zenk was the first that popped to mind. It has a nice ring to it, no?) (And when I say, “my friend,” I really do mean “my friend.” ie. NOT me). Phew, I think I’m covered.
A year or two ago, my friend Claudia needed to travel to her hometown several times over the course of many months to help her family through a difficult time. Things grew so harrowing for awhile there that she flew to her hometown four or five times in one month! This was only a one-hour flight. One would think, considering everything Claudia had to handle between helping her family and maintaining her job and raising two young children, that the airport gods could have given her a break. Not so. Every time Claudia went to the airport during that month, another disaster befell her. Sometimes it was a minor disaster, sometimes plain ol’ SNAFU and FUBAR up the mother-effin’ whazoo. Now, Claudia is a wonderful person. Claudia is kind to rodents, dust bunnies, and chocolate bars. There’s no reason why the airport gods should dislike her so. There’s no reason (well, maybe a tiny bit of a reason) why, during one of these airport atrocities, Claudia should have discovered that the airline clerk had typed “belligerent” into her customer profile. But let’s just say that Claudia did discover this. And let’s just say that CLAUDIA HAD HAD ENOUGH.
Claudia did not need another airport disaster. Surely, on the fourth or fifth trip home to help her family, Claudia WOULD NOT say or do anything to tick off the airline personnel, thereby reducing her chances of having her “belligerent” status withdrawn. Surely, Claudia could make one visit to her hometown where everything at the airport would proceed smoothly.
Claudia did not take Herself into account.
Yes, sometimes Claudia’s airport nightmares are self-induced.
Now, Claudia is a superb athlete. Claudia is one of those warped breed of women who not only run for exercise but because they :::shudder::: like it. Because running helps them tap into a part of the brain that allows them to forget their worries and just exist. To be one with the wind and the sun and the sky and the path beneath their feet and all that crap. So, a few hours before Claudia needed to travel to the airport on the tail end of her last trip to her hometown during that flight-jammed month, she decided the best possible thing she could do for her mental well-being was go for a run.
Claudia donned her running gear and hauled herself to a massive provincial park near where I live that has a myriad of running paths as well as an utterly amazing view of a glittering lake:
It also has rattlesnakes and cougars and coyotes and cactus, so some might question Claudia’s decision to run in the park alone. But that’s a topic for another day.
The end result was, Claudia was at the park. So Claudia did what Claudia does. She ran. She ran and ran and ran. Her stress and worries melted away. Because she’s basically The Bionic Woman reborn, Claudia ran until all the rattlesnakes and cougars and coyotes and cacti chasing her collapsed and died on the sides of the path.
When Claudia runs, if she notices pretty stones on or near her path, she likes to pick them up for her two young children. On this day, Claudia discovered stones her children would love! Alas, alack, amiss, Claudia realized upon gathering the stones that she did not have a pocket to put them in. So Claudia did what any (mildly insane) mother would do. She stuffed the stones in her bra. Then continued running. She ran and ran and ran. She ran until her stress was almost/nearly alleviated. Or maybe it was completely annihilated. I honestly can’t recall.
Claudia finished her run and returned to her childhood home. There, it dawned on her that she did not have time before her flight for a shower. So she sponged herself clean, then changed into her traveling clothes and proceeded to the airport.
Now, it’s a small airport. One would think that the security lines would be short. One would be wrong. Sometimes the security lines are miles and miles (okay, kilometers, this is Canada, after all) long. Whether the lines were long on this particular day or not, I don’t recall. I just had to point that out. Couldn’t let the whole focus of my post be on Claudia, could I?
As Claudia proceeded through the line, she thought surely nothing would go wrong this time. The security personnel would not confiscate her homemade jam (calling it over-sized liquid, the nerve!) They would not attempt to rip the soles off her sandals to determine if the beeping of the security arch was due to whatever type of metal thingie is put into good shoes. They would not wand her in indiscreet places before realizing that another instance of beeping was a result of tiny metal eyelets on her boarding shorts. They would not put her through any of that trauma (or the traumas that had resulted in her “belligerent” status, which are too lengthy to go into). And, in fact, they did not. Not this time.
Claudia managed it all on her own.
Claudia walked through the security arch. No beeping. Yippee! Then the Airport Security Lady (let’s call her Sally) told her, “You’ve been randomly selected for a body search.” Yes, just the sort of thing a haggard traveler loves to hear. The gentleman behind Claudia in line laughed.
Claudia was not amused. Did I mention that Claudia HAD HAD ENOUGH? However, she did not rail or vent her frustrations out on Sally. She just didn’t care anymore. She just wanted to let Sally do whatever she had to do so Claudia could board the plane and fly home to her husband and two small children.
Claudia was resigned.
So when Sally asked Claudia if she wanted to go into a private room for the search, Claudia declined. “Just do it here,” she said. “Get it over with.” After all, Claudia had nothing to hide.
Sally began to pat Claudia down. When Sally reached Claudia’s…bosom area…well, I don’t know how much or what sort of patting occurred. The regular sort of patting, I guess. It’s not like Sally grabbed Claudia’s hooters or anything. But Sally discovered…something odd in the sides of Claudia’s bra. Something Claudia had totally forgotten she’d put there.
Bless Claudia’s little ol’ Canuck heart, when Sally asked, “What are you carrying in your bra?”, Claudia suddenly remembered and answered with a completely straight face, “Rocks.”
“Remove them, please,” said Sally with an equally straight face. (One can only imagine what Sally reported to her friends and family later).
Claudia reached into her bra and removed the rocks. She handed the rocks to Sally, who set them on the conveyor on the “out” side of the X-Ray machine.
Sally continued to pat Claudia down. Alas, alack, amiss, Sally did not discover anything else unusual. Finished, Sally asked Claudia, “Would you like your rocks back?”
Now, blog readers, I ask…what would you do?
Claudia answered in a perfectly solemn tone, “Yes.”
Sally handed Claudia back her rocks—and our dear Claudia stuffed them into her bra! Not in her jacket pockets. Not in her purse. In her bra. And she took them home to her grateful children. Who I’m pretty sure, to this day, have no clue of the extent of their mother’s insanity love for them.
I don’t know about you, but that’s the best Airport Nightmares story I’ve ever heard. I definitely can’t top Claudia’s tale. Can you? What’s your most embarrassing airport moment?
November 10th, 2009 at 3:55 am
I’ve flown twice in my life, and (thank heaven) without incident, but I love your friend! Not the running part—let’s not go THERE—but the rest is just fabulous. I’m so glad she tucked those rocks back in her bra!
HUZZAH, Claudia!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Fun blog.
I’ll add that I’m glad she stuffed the stones back in her bra as well. LOL
Wow, I’m scanning my memory for a funky airport story. One that popped to mind was after flying alone from Spain with my three kids, I had all of this luggage and well . . . three young kids. Three Marines came to my rescue. They helped with the luggage and carried two of the three kids. Once they helped me from one terminal to the other – a long way – I boarded the last flight. Enroute was fine, but on the descent my daughter um . . . hurled. Can’t blame her after over 1/2 a day of flying.
Yes, we were all ready to get off the plane. Enjoy your day!
Diana
Romance Edged With Danger
November 10th, 2009 at 10:32 am
That’s hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!
I don’t have any embarrassing airport stories. I hope I never do.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Great story, Cindy. So did Claudia ever get her ‘belligerant’ status removed? That would really tick me off.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:19 am
LOVE that story, Cindy! OMG! “Claudia” is crazy funny! ha! That is a great story…
Over fifteen years ago when my four kids were small, I was insane, too. Our plane was late, so we missed the next plane (my husband bought stop over tickets to save money) and then they made us get off on the tarmack and it was pouring rain and grandpa was missing and they couldn’t get the door to the lounge area from outside opened. A man pulled on the door knob and the knob came off! The kids were crying and I was wearing white pants and the stress caused me to start my period and you can guess how I looked when I finally got into the main area of the airport. A security lady took one small kid out of my arms to help out. They were telling us that we would be stuck there for quite a while and I realized I was out of diapers too. I went crazy at the back of line where people were making complaints and I was sobbing and yelling and talking about missing grandpas and diapers and how I didn’t have any money to buy any and suddenly people were handing me money out of their own wallets to shut me up.
By the time we got to New York, we discovered that our luggage was lost, too! That was my nightmare trip that I’ll never forget.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Hi Gwynlyn,
Yes, Claudia has a lot of chutzpah. I often make a fool of myself in public (not on purpose, you understand), but I’m not sure I could have returned those rocks to my bra with a straight face, LOL.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Diana, your poor daughter! Oddly, your story of your daughter hurling reminds me of another Claudia airport story. Only, this time, it’s an airplane story. Claudia and I were university roommates, and we were flying down to either register in classes or maybe it was a holiday, I can’t remember. But she pretended she was going to hurl practically the whole way, while I was stuck between her and an older woman, trying not to laugh my head off. I’m pretty she was also pretending she was dimwitted, but that might have been her natural state. Probably.
The whole point was to embarrass me, I do believe, but we had a lot of fun.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Edie, thanks for dropping by!
Laurie, I don’t know if Claudia’s “belligerent” status has been removed yet or not. I’ll have to ask her for an update. But the reason why she got the B status – it pissed me off when she told me. When you’re dealing with a family emergency and the airline staff is jerking you around, IMO, you have a right to raise a fuss. To get labeled as “belligerent” as a result is downright rude.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Nope, Cindy, Claudia has it hands down on the funniest airport story. Too funny, and I LOVE that she kept a straight face. What a great blog, your humor shines through at those creatures falling by the wayside and dying as she outran them. I hope great things come to this lady, she certainly deserves them.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Oh, Theresa, I feel so bad for your airport horror story. What a horrible experience. I’ve never flown by myself with young children, but I can definitely empathize. That’s cool that people wanted to help you out. I’m sure not to shut you up. No, they wanted to help you.
And of course your luggage went missing. Isn’t that always the way? I remember the first time my luggage went missing, during a trip to Mexico when I was in my twenties. I thought, this must be an anomaly – we only switched planes once.
Did I mention I hadn’t flown much by this point? Well, cut to my first RWA National conference. It was in Chicago and it was a super-hot summer. Again, one plane switch, and my luggage was lost. So was the luggage of every one of my three roommates, but they all got theirs back by midnight that night. I didn’t get mine back until late the next afternoon, before the Lit Autographing. So I had to wear a sweaty dress and bra way longer than I should have. Now, I always carry a change of clothes in my overnight bag when I go to RWA conferences. I’m not getting caught again.
November 10th, 2009 at 11:49 am
This story is hilarious! I just started my own blog to share travel deals and I hope that I can share my stories in such a creative way. I love this blog!
November 10th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Great story! The vision of her bumpy bra cracked me up. Thanks for sharing.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Thanks, BHT. I always strive for hilarity. It’s not difficult when you have inspiration like Claudia.
LOL, Kristina, the man that had been standing behind her in line was able to go ahead once she was pulled aside for the patting down. Because of the way the airport is set out, he could see what was going on from his chair after he went through security. So he was laughing at her the entire time.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Woot, woot, Claudia! And I, too, want to know the status of her belligerence.
My most memorable airport story: DH and I along with the three little princesses (then age 4, 2 and 8 months) were scheduled to fly across the country after an emotional and exhausting family funeral. DH had massive issues returning the RV we rented off-site, and to my horror, the girls and I had to board the plane without him or lose our non-refundable, non-exchangeable tickets. The baby was fussy and the two-year-old was screaming as we boarded, and I was juggling two car seats, a diaper bag, and super-size box of Gold Fish crackers.
Everyone on the plane gave us various versions of The Look. As I struggled to get everyone and everything settled, I asked a flight attendant if she could check to see if my husband had arrived at the airport. Long story short…everyone on that plane knew the cross country trip would be much more pleasant with my husband on board.
The airline eventually pinpointed his location and tracked his progress. “He just checked in,” we heard over the plane intercom. “He’s at the gate.” “He’s running down the concourse.” “Someone with a cart picked him up.” The flight crew held the plane twenty minutes for him, and when DH finally walked on board, everyone clapped.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
ROLF! That’s hillarious Cindy!!! I totally feel for Claudia! I take about 25 roundtrip flights a year, and I probably have belligerant in my airline record 10% of the time.
Although flying has gotten better since they cut back on the number of flights so air traffic isn’t as awful of an issue like it was like 4-5 years ago in the summer when I was literally having airport meltdowns on a regular basis. (Cried twice right at the ticket counter and refused to budge unless they got me home. 
)
I used to work for the airlines (have some hillarious stories from that job) so I try to sympathize with the ticket agents but I only have so much sympathy when I’m sleeping in airports and living out Planes Trains and Automobiles!
Thanks for the laugh!!!
November 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
LMAO! I have tears running down my face after reading this. Thanks so much for the great laugh.
In the 80’s, I was walking backward down the concourse at the Portland airport talking a mile a minute to my dh. I stumbled into a guy, tripped over his feet and he caught me. I said, “Oops, sorry.”
Mr. Tall, Blond & Very Chivalrous set me on my feet, replied, “No problem, sweetheart,” and we went our separate ways.
25 feet down the concourse later, it finally occurred to me just who (whom?) I’d almost knocked down. I looked at my dh all stunned and yelled, “OMG! That was JON from CHIPS!”
Hub, laughing his butt off said, “Yeah, I was wondering when you were gonna figure that out.”
November 10th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Great story about your “friend” Claudia, I mean Cindy.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Go, Claudia!
I have no mishap stories, but I’ve enjoyed reading everyone else’s stories. Thanks!
November 10th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Okay, I’ve heard about rocks in one’s head…
Thanks for this! Wow! For a time, I was doing the several-times-a-month family business flights, too, but never had anything remotely this funny/embarrassing/amusing happen to me!
November 10th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Donnell, thanks, yes, Claudia does deserve all the good things that come her way – especially when she shares them with me.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Shelley, I can just imagine the entire plane was grateful to see your dh board! No mom should have to handle 3 kidlets on a plan by themselves. Even if the other passengers have been through it, they (we) are usually not sympathetic. We just don’t want to have to sit next to the kids!
November 10th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Beth, I’m sure there are horrible stories from the perspective of the airline personnel, too. The clerk who put “belligerent” in Claudia’s file probably thought she had every right to do so. But Claudia’s rights as the misinformed passenger count, too.
Diana, thanks for coming by! I love your story. It reminds me of when I was standing in line by Richard Dreyfuss (sp?) in a Vancouver bookstore and had no clue who he was. This was during a lull in his career. He was in town to film a movie that got his career going again. My friend, another Cindy, had to tell me who he was when he left. He got awful service from the clerk at the counter. I nearly volunteered to help him, but then squelched the impulse, because I’m always volunteering to help people in stores and then they think I’m a store rep. Nope. Just nosy.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Now, Maureen, Claudia is NOT me.
She’s someone very dear to me, however. I’ve known her since I was 6. And, no, she’s not invisible, either!
Gail, thanks for coming by. And, Tina, my buddy, great to see you here. I assure you, Tina, Claudia does have rocks in her head, too. That’s why she’s so much fun, and why she and I get along so well. We’re both slightly psycho.
Don’t get me started on her mother…
November 10th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Cindy,
Love your story. Being a rock collector, I can appreciate Claudia putting special rocks in her bra to keep for her children. I’ve learned to carry plastic bags for rocks while walking.
I don’t have any funny airport stories, just a few that were not funny. Running into an old boyfriend at the Dallas airport being the least harrowing but most potentially embarrassing. Thank goodness I had my mother, daughter, and brother with me.
But the rocks in the bra remind me of the ripe raspberries we collected on the Red River ski slope one vacation in August. We were hiking down the mountain after a ride to the top on the ski lift and discovered these beautiful raspberries. We had nothing to carry them in and I wanted to make raspberry jelly. So we very carefully tied our shirts to make bowls and each of us filled the bowl of our shirt. When we reached the bottom of the hill we discovered the raspberries had squished a little and colored our shirts brilliant violet. Hard to explain while window shopping in town. And yes, the raspberry jelly was delish on biscuits and pancakes.
Jeanmarie
November 10th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Jeanmarie, the raspberry jam sounds wonderful. At least you stained your shirt in a good cause. I was grocery shopping once and picked up a double package of ground beef (my eldest has a MASSIVE appetite), then asked the woman clerk restocking the meat where to find something else. As we talked, I stupidly held the beef package against my abdomen. And, yes, I was wearing a white blouse. I caught myself and pulled away the pack. I kept checking, but couldn’t see any beef juice stain. I even remarked to the clerk that I was lucky I hadn’t stained my blouse. She said, “Keep looking.” LOL. I don’t know why she didn’t just point out the stain. Two aisles over, I finally saw it, then was very embarrassed. Of course, it was summer, so I wasn’t wearing a jacket. I asked another clerk for a wet wipe, but it didn’t help.
I’d rather stain my blouse with raspberries.
November 10th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
OMG, Cindy!
I laughed out loud through that entire story. Absolutely too funny. And I love that she put those rocks back in her bra with a straight face. Thanks for my laugh for the day.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Oh my gosh…I am pretty sure that I laughed even harder this time than when I heard this story from the ‘horse’s mouth’ ur…I mean ‘Claudia’s mouth” as time has allowed compassion in the situation to take a back seat. I wonder…was it the ‘oversized cargo’ that earned her the belligerent status…but that is another story..certainly worthy…I can see it now…’The Airport Adventures of Claudia Zenk’. Only ‘Claudia’…seriously…
November 10th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Alix, glad to oblige!
Hi Yolanda!! Thanks for dropping in. Yes, I think it was the oversized cargo that was the culprit. But honestly, what did the airline personnel expect when she was told one thing before she got there and then another when she arrived? And the whole bubble wrap thing… LOL. Poor, misguided Claudia.
And now I feel bad, Yolanda, because you were compassionate when you first heard the story. I just laughed until I cried. Hmmmm…
November 11th, 2009 at 12:06 am
I love that you have so accurately archived this memory for me Cindy. Thank-you for the lovely compliments you provided me on my way to the rocks. I too laughed myself silly when I read how ridiculous it must have been for the poor security person. Every now and then I put a few pebbles in the cup just to have a giggle!
Love your writing.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:26 am
Awwwwwwww, Claudia, you came by! Smooches.
Yes, people, that is the real Claudia. No, NOT me.
November 11th, 2009 at 1:40 am
Pebbles in a cup or birds in your freezer…nature versus nuture…that is the real question we should be asking our dear sweet Claudia…
November 11th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Lol. I’ve never had rocks in the bra, though I do get picked for the bomb sniffer wand thing a lot….I don’t think I look like a bomber.
My only really embarrassing airport story was getting through the family customs at Kuala Lumpur airport in record time when I was about 8 by walking through the door then throwing up all over from a combination of heat and travel sickness! And once I had to convince a flight attendant to let me off the plane and back to the lounge as I’d left my coat…they escorted me all the way (must’ve thought I was making a break for it or something)!
November 11th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Hmmm, the real Claudia…. Tis truly a mystery… I mean both of your names do start with C
Welcome, Claudia!
November 11th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Wow! The real Claudia dropped by. I was very impressed by your rock enhanced physique. What a mom! WTG!
Who knows? Maybe the trend will catch on in Hollywood. 
Thanks for allowing Cindy to share your story.
November 11th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Yo, nature vs nurture – an interesting argument when it comes to Claudia. Nurture might win out, huh?
Melanie, LOL at the puking story. Horrible when you’re 8, though. But at least it’s acceptable. When you’re 38? Not so much.
Donnell, my buddy Yolanda can vouch for me that there IS a real Claudia – and her real name doesn’t start with a C. No, it’s not me, LOL.
Gail, thanks for coming by again.
November 11th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
It is true…Cindy is NOT Claudia I will vouch for Cindy on that one…the facts in the story are remarkable accurate and needed very little emblishment on Cindy’s part…the story is as it is a very accurate account of the trials and tribulation of a very dear and special friend…
November 11th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Yeah! Thanks, Yo.
November 12th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Believe it or not, I can outdo that one. I love that she stuffed the rocks back in, but…
Three true stories of my many airport horror stories…
#1- Keep in mind this was PRE 9/11.
My husband and I were headed out on our second honeymoon (really…our first, since we never had a real honeymoon the first time around, but I digress). That morning the airline had instituted a new computer program, and saying it was a Murphy nightmare would be the understatement of the century. We lined up with everyone else, and about twenty minutes later (having not moved one step closer to the counter), a guy came down the line asking for anyone who had flights before 10 am to step out and come with him. Ours was a 9:30 (and it was 8:30) and we did. He got us boarding passes and told us we’d all have to gate check our luggage.
Okay… So, off we headed to security. As we were stripping off shoes, I suddenly realized this was a HONEYMOON trip. You can guess what sorts of joys and delights were in the suitcase. Among them…fur-lined cuffs, a vibrator, edible lotions, and probably something more embarrassing than that, if memory serves. We shared one of those hopeless looks and prayed for a security guy with a sense of humor.
Luckily we got one, but he made it CLEAR what was in there when he asked if it was a honeymoon trip…his idea of a joke, I guess. I replied something along the lines of, “We didn’t expect to have to gate check this, but the computer system…” He laughed and said he’d forego the hand exam…oh and “Have a good time, ma’am.”
#2- On the way back on that same trip… I couldn’t get a break. I’ve been stopped by security that thought my inhaler was a pepper spray container…that wanted to see my camera turn on…and all manner of other things, but…
My husband had bought me a lovely silver and pewter goblet at Medieval Times in FL, and I had taken it carry on, because it was expensive. So, there I am, waiting for my bag to come out the other end of x-ray, and I’m suddenly surrounded by a half dozen airport security guards. It seems (good information for future use) that the goblet looks like a pipe bomb on the x-ray machine. I may do that one again just to scramble them. Sigh… It was nerve wracking the first time, but it could be incredibly funny today.
#3- Last but not least… Two years ago, I was headed out to EPICon…a normal yearly thing for me. I got to the airport at 4 am for a 5:30 flight, which meant half the staff was tired and all were cranky. Good for them. I checked in with the guy who compares ID against ticket and stood in the lovely line for the x-ray and metal detector.
My things went through the x-ray, and I stepped through the metal detector and handed off my ticket…at which point, the guy INSISTED I’d bypassed the ID check. I assured him that I had done it. He replied that the ticket was marked incorrectly, so I’d HAD to have done it myself and bypassed the booth. How? God knows, since the entire security area is blocked off with walls and the only way in is past the booth. But…
He demanded I show my ID, and I pointed to the x-ray machine. They let me get my ID…JUST my ID, and I was marched back to the booth by two security guys. Thankfully, the booth guy not only remembered me but admitted it was his first day on duty after a change of how they marked them, so he forgot to use the new format. DUH! There I was, having nightmares of the no fly list and missing the convention, where I was president AND presenting classes…and even of jail, if the guy claimed he’d never seen me before.
Now comes the best part. Not only did the guy who’d accused me NEVER apologize… I’d been through the metal detector once. They marched me back and made me do it again. Why? I was in their “custody” the entire time from the last step through until the second. When did I have time to pick up anything I didn’t have the first time…besides my ID?
Oh, and don’t get me started on Morgan Hawke and the chocolate penis…or being stopped for carrying hand sanitizer two days after watching NIM’S ISLAND. Those three are just my favorites.
Brenna
November 12th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Hi Brenna, it’s good to see you here.
Those are great stories. The first reminds me of a scene in AMERICAN IDLE by Alesia Holliday. She has a heroine with a vibrator in her suitcase (I can’t remember what it was doing there, not even sure it was hers) and of course she was the one who got stopped.
Claudia’s story about the rocks in her bra is only one of four or five airport horror stories that befell within a month or so. I just didn’t tell the others. Let’s just say you and Claudia should never go traveling together…
November 13th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
As I prepare to fly to Hawaii on Tuesday, I have removed all foreign object from my bra, all questionable items from my suitcase, all jams and jellies from my carry-on, and I don’t have a bike to check-in. I think it should be smooth sailing as long as I can refrain from being “belligerent”.
Wish me luck….
November 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Dear Claudia,
I don’t think you understand just how much luck it will take. Don’t hold yourself to such high standards, dear Claudia. That way only leads to disappointment (alas, alack, amiss).
November 29th, 2009 at 12:47 am
Landed in Maui on a direct flight. Five out of nine bags (car seat and boogie boards included in the nine) did not arrive. How does that happen? Are they in the Pacific somewhere?
November 29th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Oh, Claudia! Good luck ever getting that “belligerent” status removed. It’s there to stay, methinks.
Does this mean you’re home now? Call me when you get a chance.