| By Marilyn Brant | September 29, 2009 |
“I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature.”
— John D. Rockefeller
My 10-year-old son just joined the cross country team this fall — his first experience with daily practices, training, meets/invitationals, scoresheets and placements. He’s the youngest boy on the team by a full year and one of only three kids in his grade who make the trek over to the big junior-high building every afternoon.
When he told me he wanted to be a part of this sport, I’ll admit, I kind of squinted at him and mumbled something about that being “very interesting” and that we’d “talk about it later.” Later came, however, and he still wanted to join. He liked running, he stated. He reminded me that he and his dad ran together every weekend. He assured me he could do it.
So, I hugged him and said, “Whoo-hoo! Well, okay, then. Let’s get your stuff!”
Later that week, I signed him up, bought him his uniform, filled out the paperwork and paid the fees. My husband got him new running shoes while I marked on our calendar all the dates of the upcoming meets and blocked off the 2 hours every weekday that he’d have practice. Then my husband and I drove to his first meet and held our collective breath as he began to run. How would our baby boy do against the stronger, faster, taller, older, more-experienced, etc. (you name it, they had it) competition? Would he finish the two-mile course? Would he be discouraged if he didn’t come in within the top 10? Would he make friends on a team comprised of kids who were mostly 7th and 8th graders, many with visible body hair and shockingly well-defined biceps? Would the coaches and the crowd encourage him or ridicule his efforts?
Well, we all watched in awe as he ran that first race. He is an incredible little runner for a 10-year-old but, against the others on the field, he wasn’t even close to their finishing times. He came in dead last.
Thing is, though, the kid didn’t stop running. He ran ever single step of that race. He ran even when the older boys had crossed the finish line 8 minutes ahead of him. He ran even when he didn’t know the pattern of the course and came upon a confusing section. He ran even when he saw some of the other kids cutting corners — not going all the way around the flags, which is cheating — but the officials didn’t see them so they got away with it. He chose to run honestly, he told us later. Nothing stopped him from crossing the finishing line, running at a slow but very steady pace, all by himself until the end.
We weren’t sure how he’d feel about his placement and his time, but he was okay. He wasn’t thrilled, of course. He would’ve preferred to have won or even come in ahead of one other person…but the coaches praised him for his stamina. A group of 8th-grade girls declared him “really cute” in an affectionate big-sister way, and they cheered him on. The few girls he knew from his grade told him how proud they were of him for finishing. And we told him the same.
He kept going to practice, and the next meet came: Last place again. His big victory was that, in addition to finishing, he’d improved his time by a whole 5 seconds. More kids, parents and random observers cheered for him at that second meet. He just had so much determination, and so much heart.
The third meet was an invitational with 24 schools and hundreds of kids. Again he was trailing the pack, even with so many other boys out there. At one point we lost sight of him (they run behind bushes and all kinds of things during these races) but, when he emerged, he had a slightly different expression on his face — a cross between excitement and mystification. We soon learned why. Another boy had all but dropped out of the race. He was walking. And our son, not trying to pass him, not even expecting to do so, nevertheless, did just that. Our little boy was still way at the end, but he did not come in last and, even more impressively, he’d bettered his time by almost a minute.
Another week, long practices and a budding new confidence followed. Then meet #4. He clocked in at 66th place out of 68 but, wow, he finished STRONG. We all know he still needs to work on his form and on his speed and on his endurance and probably on a hundred other little things, but he made visible progress that day. An improvement right there at the end. He really kicked it for those last several yards and sprinted to the finish line, arms pumping, grinning the whole time. Knowing without our having to tell him that THIS race was a better one than any that’d come before.
He’s still nowhere close to winning, of course. Or even being in the top half. He needs more experience. He needs to get taller, stronger, older and much, much faster. But I could see him learning a life lesson right before my eyes: Perseverance and practice pays off. It’s a frustratingly slow process sometimes, but it’s REALLY NOT all about winning. It has a lot more to do with rising to a challenge, one you fought for at every stage and with every step. To reach a new level of skill in a game where you were WAY out of your league at the beginning. I was so proud of him. And even prouder that he’d learned a lesson like this decades sooner than I did.
I started writing fiction seriously because of my son. FOR him. It was MY dream, yes, but I was a new parent. I felt strongly that it was the parents’ responsibility to show their children by example how to joyfully and dedicatedly pursue a passion. I didn’t want to ever make the mistake of trying to live my life through my child… I wanted to be so secure in following my own path that I wouldn’t at any time trod on his.
It took me nine years to cross my personal finish line. Years of making every possible mistake in form and speed. Lots of people sprinted passed me who were more experienced, stronger and so incredibly talented. But while publishing is a very different kind of race than cross country, the similarities are too marked to ignore. I worked at this game. I studied it. I put in hours upon hours of practice, writing well over a million words before I sold. Every single early indicator would’ve predicted that not only should I have dropped out of the race, I never should’ve entered it in the first place. But I’m stubborn. I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me I couldn’t make significant progress if I stuck with fiction. I wasn’t going to let the mere fact that this is a hard, crazy-making industry deter me from pursuing a passion I loved. So, I didn’t quit. And — published or not — neither did any contributor to this blog.
I’m looking forward to cheering on every one of my writing friends as they experience the intangible triumph of holding their first book in their hands. Even though I’m not a runner, I can tell you, it feels a whole lot like racing down hill, the wind at your back, the sun warming your face. Today is the release day for According to Jane…and I’m giving away two copies (hot off the presses) to two commenters, along with two individual packets (one of each flavor) of Starbucks VIA™ coffee 
. Thanks to all of you for celebrating this day with me!
September 29th, 2009 at 4:51 am
What a proud mommy you are! And what a wonderful son you’ve reared. Congratulations on both the book and the boy, Marilyn. “Stick-to-it”-iveness is a wonderful trait to teach our young ones—and since they learn best by example . . . Way to go, MOM!!
According to Jane is a great book and I wish you all the best with it. It’s time for you to get out at the front of the pack.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:45 am
Congratulations on your release !
You’re book really sounds fantastic. Of course I’m attracted by every Jane Austen related book/movie/play, but this one seems really special.
I can’t hardly wait to put my hands on it.
Congratulations again for your hard work, it really was worth it
September 29th, 2009 at 8:27 am
What a wonderful story about your son! I wish him all the best and encourage him to keep running. He will win a race someday because he doesn’t give up.
Congratulations on your book! Every writer I see published is an inspiration to me.
September 29th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Congrats on your release Marilyn! Woohoo! I seriously cannot wait to read it. Way to stick at it and persevere!
I can totally relate on the whole perserverance thing. I’ve written 11 books over almost 10 years and I’m about to start book 12. Been about to start it for months now, but I’m finding for the first time negative thoughts taunting me “Why bother with another book?” “It’s time to move on…Go back to work full-time…” ETC. If I’m not quite ready to quit the race, and go back to work full-time, then I better start going to practice everyday, and writing. If I don’t start the race with a new book I won’t finish. I’m going to keep drilling this into my head all day! Thanks for the inspiration!
Congrats on sticking with it and seeing your book on the shelves today!!!
September 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Gwynlyn, thanks… I *am* a proud mommy! And thank you for your thoughts on ‘Jane’ too!!
Emmanuelle, I love meeting fellow Austen fans! Thanks so much for stopping by and for your good wishes.
Michele~I’ll pass along your encouragement to my son! I know he’ll love to hear it — thank you!!
Don’t quit this race, Beth — we need you in it. Thanks for your congrats and for all of your support in the years since we met. It’s appreciated!
September 29th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Great, great post! Congratulations again on your book release day! I know I wrote more than a million words, and I’m determined to cross that finish line someday, too.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Great blog, Marilyn!
Oh, Beth, do I relate–especially the getting a full-time job thing. But despite that I’ve been writing for ten years and won the Golden Heart twice out of my five times as a finalist, I can’t quit. I’d like to very often. However, every time I think of the example I’m setting for my kids and nieces and nephews, I know I can’t.
September 29th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Edie, and I’ll be cheering for you big time when you do!!!
Laurie~thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, too. I know you must be setting a great example for your kids and their cousins
. I remember the outpouring of family support you got when you were a GH finalist this summer — it was wonderful to see!
September 29th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Ahh, you made me cry, Marilyn. I am so happy for you today.
(Don’t enter me in the contest, please! My copy of Jane is winging its way to me as we speak.)
September 29th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Marilyn: I wish you could see me right now. I have tears in my eyes thinking of your son, and his huge heart and lungs, and even more, his huge determination and commitment. Please give him a high five for me. As the mother of a 25 and a 22 year old those days of watching my kids face those type of challenges are gone (now it’s grad school and master’s degrees), but not the memories. Your son is growing physically, intellectually and, wow, what character he possesses. Be very proud.
And also… be very proud of According to Jane. Every night as I fall into bed (moving mom LOL) I look forward to your wonderful book. I plan to write a review when I’m through, so no spoilers. But me thinks your son developed his strong character from his mom. (DQ’d from entry too. I already have my copy)…
Well done!
September 29th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
What a fabulous lesson! Your son could teach a lot of us a thing or two about hanging in there and being proud of personal victories, no matter the odds.
Congrats on your son and your book, Marilyn. Both are fabulous.
September 29th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I’m so happy for you and so proud of your son, too. He’s learned something from his mama, that’s for sure.
I already have your book (as of about 3:30 EST), so you can leave me out of the drawing. I will, however, demand on autograph on mine when I see you at National this year.
Many, many hugs!
September 29th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
OMGosh, it’s According to Jane’s release day!! Yippee!
Egads, I’m late for the party. Release the balloons and streamers! Sound the tootie horns! Congratulations, Marilyn!!! And congratulations to your son on his accomplishment. Very inspiring – especially from one so young. My guess is that he learned a lot about determination from his mom. Fabulous post, Marilyn. My copy of According to Jane won’t be in for a week, but I look forward to reading it soon. Woo hoo! 
Keep smiling!
Gail, deafening the crowd with her tootie horn
September 29th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Eliza~thanks, my friend!
Thank you so much, Donnell… And I’ll definitely give him a high five from you!! (Glad you’re enjoying the book.:) )
Leshia~yay! I’ll be thrilled to autograph it for you *anytime*. Looking forward to seeing you again in Nashville!!
Gail, you’re not late at all! Love the tooti horns and balloons and streamers. Thank you.
September 29th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Pamela Cayne~you wonderful lady, you…thank you yet again!! What a party we’ll have when we celebrate your first sale.
September 29th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Wow, Marilyn, I love this blog. What a wonderful story. You did make me cry and for all the right reasons. I’m sooo proud of your son and of you and all of us who have worked hard to get where we are–wherever the heck that is!
Congratulations on your release. Give your son a BIG high five for me, too!
Hugs!
September 29th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Marilyn, you made me weepy. I see our local high school cross country team practicing daily in 100+degree heat, and it’s brutal. Your son is an admirable young man, and you should be very, very proud.
I so get the need for parents to show by example, but I LOVE your take that we should pursue those passions with visible JOY. One of the long-term goals on my business plan is to “Inspire my three daughters to follow and fight for their dreams.” I’m four years into that plan and still fighting for publication. Sometimes it joyous, other times not.
Your story is a great reminder to keep running!
And wooohoooo on release day!! According to Jane sounds wonderful. Can’t wait to read it.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Congratulation, Maryilyn. You deserve this victory and much more. You are a truly nice person.
And your indomitable spirit is passed down to your son !!
“Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be only afraid of standing still.”
–Chinese Proverb
September 29th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Marilyn,
I SO wish I could give you a hug today. I’m so proud of you! and can’t wait to join you over that publication finish line. By then, you’ll be in the NYTimes race, though, right?
Sweet, sweet post
September 29th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Congratulations Marilyn! You have two wonderful accomplishments to celebrate today! Thanks so much for sharing it with your 007 sisters.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Marilyn,
Congratulations on both-son and book. Can’t wait to read it. Did you mention coffee? You know I’m there…
Margot Justes
http://www.mjustes.com
A Hotel in Paris
September 29th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I got all teary-eyed. Wonderful story about your son. And, big, huge congrats on your release. Here’s to many more.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Marilyn,
HUGE congratulations on the release!! I love anything Jane Austen, so I’m really looking forward to reading ACCORDING TO JANE. It sounds fabulous.
I am so impressed by your son’s determination. So many children–and heck, adults–won’t try new things for fear of failing. He’s shown both a sense of adventure in the attempt and amazing grit in sticking to it even when it’s hard.
A wonderful story!
September 29th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Wow, Marilyn! What an awesome post. Kudos to your son for keeping at it– and kudos to you for encouraging him to follow that dream.
I especially loved this line… “I wanted to be so secure in following my own path that I wouldn’t at any time trod on his.” What a wonderful way of looking at things!! Thank you for sharing!!
And congrats again on your sale. You worked hard, and you earned this!!
BTW, a few years ago, my husband decided to run more seriously. Personally, I *hate* running, but he likes it, so I encouraged him when he said he wanted to run a marathon. I doled out water bottles and gel packs at various checkpoints. He ran one marathon and did okay. He would have had to run 30 minutes faster to qualify for the Boston Marathon, and I told him I thought he could do it. So the next year– on his birthday– he ran the same marathon. And that time, he dropped the 30 minutes and *did* qualify for Boston, which he ran about 6 months later. I met him at the finish line, and I was probably as proud of him as you were of your son! Now I’m waiting to see if our little guy will take after his dad.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:01 am
Theresa, thank you. I’m SO proud of him (can’t hide that!), but I agree with you that we should be proud of ourselves, too, for being wherever it is that we are. We’re all faster and stronger than we once were, and that’s something to really cherish…
Shelley, how fortunate your daughters are to have a mom with a goal for them like that! I love the way you say “fight” for their dreams because — wow — it does feel like SUCH a battle sometimes! (p.s. I’m not always joyful either…
)
Tina, thank you for the wonderful Chinese proverb and, even more, for your tremendous warmth and kindness. *hug*
L.A., I have every confidence you’ll cross this finish line. I’ll be cheering for you.
Deb, what a lovely thing to say! Thank you…
September 30th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Margot~thanks so much for visiting me here!! Glad to have a fellow coffee lover onboard, too.
Thank you, Melissa. What a sweetie you are to visit me at Pam’s and here, too! Thanks for all the good wishes.
Alix~thank you! That was *exactly* what was so inspirational to me about what my son did… He reminded me (and I think quite a few of the adults watching him) that we shouldn’t fear failure so much, especially when we’re venturing so far out of our comfort zones. Watching him tackle running makes me a braver person.
Oh, Laura, I adore the story of you encouraging your husband in his running! I have just a small taste of how much love and dedication must go into supporting a marathon runner — that is a LONG time to be out there, getting water bottles ready, being at the right checkpoint and the right time, feeling anxious and hopeful for him but not being able to do anything more on race day than cheer him on from the sidelines… I’m thrilled to hear he qualified for Boston and ran it, too! And I’m sure he knew how lucky he was to have had you there to meet him at the end!!
It’s only 11:20pm in my time zone, so I’ll hang on another half hour or so, in case there are any last commenters, and then I’ll do the drawing right at midnight.
September 30th, 2009 at 1:09 am
The drawing is done…and the numbers selected were #3 and #16…so, MicheleKS and Theresa! Congrats, you two — I hope you’ll enjoy the book *and* the coffee!! Please email me your mailing addresses here: marilynbrant AT gmail DOT com. I’ll get both items sent out to you within the week.
Everyone, thank you so much for spending part of your day with me… Your good wishes and kind thoughts are much appreciated! May tomorrow bring only peace and love your way.
September 30th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Thanks for inspiring me, Marilyn, and for the coffee and book! Yay!
September 30th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Marilyn,
Thanks for sharing your son’s story. It made me a little teary-eyed.
Congratulations on your first book’s release!
October 1st, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Merrillee~thanks so much for making time to stop by and, also, for your warm congratulations!
October 1st, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Marilyn, it took me awhile to read your post because I was so teary. In a good way. And congratulations again on crossing this finish line. (Here’s the secret – it’s actually the starting line of a whole new, loooonnnnnggggg distance race.)
October 2nd, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Hi Blythe! Thanks for visiting me here — you’re wonderful.
And, yes, I believe you’ve figured out the secret… It feels exactly like that this week: the end of one marathon — with a quick stop for water and a cupcake — and then retightening the sneakers and setting off on another. With all this running, you’d think I’d be thinner — LOL!