| By Elisabeth Naughton | November 30, 2009 |
If you were hoping to read a lovely post from Bronywyn, ah, I’m sorry to disappoint. You get me instead. I’m not nearly as lyrical as Bron, and I don’t have that awesome Aussie accent. But…I do have angst. Lots of it. And today–lucky you, grasshopper!–you get a sneak peek inside my head.
(Note: Run far away! Fast! This is a scary place to see.)
A few years ago (three to be exact), I wrote out my mental process when working on a book and posted it on my blog. Then I was unpublished and not working on deadline. Now I am. It was fun to look at what I wrote back then and see how/if it has changed. To my surprise, not a whole lot is different. My mental process when I’m writing is pretty much the same. The difference now – when I’m under deadline – is it’s amplified. A lot.
ELISABETH’S MANUSCRIPT STAGES
Stage One – The Proposal
- Chapter One – My shiny new idea isn’t quite so shiny anymore. I forgot how much I hate writing first chapters. Hook? Hook? Gah! I hate hooks. I’m clearly hook-illiterate.
- Chapter Two – Okay, maybe this isn’t quite so bad. New POV, the setting works, I’m getting into the story. And wow, I sorta like my characters. Gonna have to go back and make some changes in chapter one, but I think this just might fly.
- Chapter Three – Zip, zip, zip through the first three chapters. My agent is going to love this.
- Synopsis – Pause to work on suckopsis. Pull hair out by the roots. Whine and complain on IM to anyone who happens to be online. Finally get it done and badda-bing…send away.
- Wait – And Wait. And Wait. At this point I should be used to waiting. But you know what? Not so much.
Stage Two – The Reality
- Chapter Four – Okay, now what? It sold? Oh, boy. Now I have to write it. The idea made sense in the synopsis. But that was months ago. I haven’t looked at this thing since my agent sent it off. Oy. I think I’m in trouble here…
- Chapter Five – Getting into the groove. I actually like this. This story might just work. Sure, characters are angsty, but they’re fun.
- Chapter Six - I am the best writer on the planet! This is going to be a NY Times Best Seller! Maybe I should take a break and think about writing my RITA speech.
Stage Three – The Middle
- Chapter Seven – (Right around the 125 pg mark). OMG. What was I thinking?! This is the most contrived piece of drivel that was ever written! I’ll have to PAY people to read it. And melodramatic? Argh. Sounds like a bad version of Days Of Our Lives. I’ll probably get sued.
- Chapter Eight – I’m too far in to give up. I will not give up. I will NOT! I have a contract. People are counting on me. Push through, push through, just keep pushing…
- Chapters Nine through Eleven – Okay, if nothing else, I like my characters. I don’t have a clue where the plot is going, but the characters are strong. That’s something at least.
- Chapter Twelve – The hero’s getting on my nerves. He needs sex. At this point though I have NO idea where I’m going to fit that in. But seriously? If he doesn’t quit pestering me I’m going to slit my wrists.
- Chapter Thirteen – Oh, crap. I’ve passed the halfway mark and I STILL have all these plot points to get through. I’m going over my target word count, there’s no way I’ll get all this in here in 100K words. No way. I’m doomed.
- Chapter Fourteen – Need chocolate. Must. Have. Chocolate. These two are driving me nuts. My editor isn’t going to give a rip about these two. And the plot? Holy Crapoli. How will I ever tie this all together?
- Chapter Fifteen – Building. Slowly. But still so much to get through. *big sigh* Okay, refocus. Time to get serious. I can do this. Really, I can. I might lose all my eyebrows in the process, but I can do this.
Part Four – The Beginning of the End
- Chapter Sixteen – Tension, angst, black moment foreshadowing (and that’s mostly for me, not the book)
- Chapter Seventeen – Here it comes. Climax build up. Black Moment. Yes, hero, I know you hate me. Hang on with me. I won’t leave you out to dry, I promise.
- Chapter Eighteen – BAM. Black Moment. UGH. I’m emotionally drained. I need coffee. Or chocolate. Or coconut cream pie. Mmm…wonder if Shari’s is still open…
- Chapter Nineteen – Climax. My shoulders are tight. I feel like crawling out of my skin. Maybe I should kill someone just for the fun of it to ease all this stress?
- Chapter Twenty – Resolution. Wrap up all the loose ends. Surprisingly, I did it! Kissy-face moment. Slobber, slobber, pant, drool all over each other. Man, I write pure sap. But it’s not half-bad sap.
Type T-H-E E-N-D.
Reeeeeeeeeeelief. I should get a medal or something. Too bad no one in the house will care that I finally finished. Wonder if there’s champagne somewhere…
Hit “send”.
Stare at blinking cursor.
Feel something funny. What is that? Oh yeah. I recognize that flutter in my belly. It’s angst. Not over writing the book but over the fact I finished. Was the book crap or was it really good? Now I’m just not sure! And I have to wait to hear from my editor to find out the answer? (There go the eyebrows for sure…)
*smacks hand against forehead* Why do I do this again?
*sigh*
On to the next proposal…
* * *
Right now I’m at the Chapter 19 stage with the WIP. Yes, you guessed it, the I-feel-like-crawling-out-of-my-skin stage. I walked around the house in quite a mood today and each time the DH asked what was wrong I nearly bit his head off. It’s not easy to put the I-want-to-kill-someone-and-it-doesn’t-necessarily-have-to-be-a-book-character mentality into words without getting thrown in a padded cell, so I’ve been keeping it to myself. The GOOD news is in another week I’ll be past this stage (please, God) and will be staring at that blinking cursor wondering what to work on next. But in the meantime…angst is me. It’s back to the keyboard I go for some more self-inflicted torture.
How about you? Are you angsting over anything right now? (And I don’t think that’s a word, but I’m using it anyway.) Christmas Shopping, Holidays, the residual ACK! leftover from spending Turkey day with your in-laws? Share your angst with me. I could use a good diversion right about now.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Don’t have your problem, Eli, but am up to my neck trying to get my current GH entry out (Leave it to me to decide to write a NEW book at the end of October!)
Between dh’s many doctor appts (another today *sigh*) being unable to do anything last Wed (doc), Thur (travel), or Fri (houseful of people)–Oh and Chet, the four point buck who looked in my windshield ere I sent him flying at 50 mph the previous Friday, along with all the attendent hoopla (thank heaven for insurance and car rentals), I’m still going. Stressed? You betcha. Giving up? Not in this life.
The good news is, both ladies who took my challenge mailed their GH entries earlier this week. Time for me to keep my end of the bargain.
And I’m with Donnell—jog. It’s cheaper than dental work!
November 30th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Oh, I share your angst source, Eli! Totally. I’ve had family members who’ve dealt with me at a few more angsty stages of the writing process suggest to me that maybe I shouldn’t write, because clearly it makes me unhappy. I just want to yell YOU DON’T GET IT. I think the problem is I only share the “I think I should take a break to write my RITA speech” stages (LOL LOVED THAT) with my writer friends, because only they get that the happy overconfident stages, like all the others, will soon pass.
Great post!
November 30th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Eli, I insist you keep your skin! We’d miss your brilliant stories. Relax, deep breaths, and even if your family doesn’t get it, we do!
November 30th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
It’s funny, Elisabeth, because I don’t angst with regular life, but I DO angst when it comes to writing. The first stages are all fun for me, but the middle of the book stage is completely angst-filled as I try to push myself onward toward the end. I’m sure that will all change once I have “real” deadlines, since right now they are all self-imposed.
Thanks for the post. Enjoy your day. Don’t worry, be happy! It always seems to work out in the end…:)
November 30th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I’ll add another–the revision stage comes with its own angst! Stuck there now. Together with the “Only how many days until Christmas?” panic–ugh.
So glad that you are safe after your wildlife encounter, Gwynlyn! We know you’ll make your goal!
November 30th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Great post, Elisabeth! I love the bit about the hero getting on your nerves. LOL! It was great to read the breakdown of your process and ‘angsting’ and know I’m not alone.
As for my current angst – hey, you asked.
Within the past two weeks, we’ve undergone renovations that have upended every room in the house. I’ve been out of town a lot dealing with family issues. There’s a painter currently working his way through our home and to add to the fun, last night we discovered a small leak in our roof. Oh joy! Can you see me shaking my head? 
I have to laugh because everything that’s happening is absurd. There’s more, but I’ll take pity and spare you the boring bits. On the bright side, my hubby and I are heading to New York City (sans les enfants thanks to my wonderful in-laws!) on Thursday. Hooray, a much needed weekend away from the chaos. 
Gail, sending wishes for everyone’s angst-filled moments to pass quickly
November 30th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I’m just getting over my angst Eli! At least for the moment. I hadn’t written anything new in like 8 months, except maybe a day here or there, and I finally started writing last week and wrote everyday and I’m writing today! YAY!!! Have written the first quarter of a new YA book. So this will bring new angst. “I don’t have enuf of a hook. This proposal will never be good enuf to submit. Ugh!!!” But at least that is “good” angst. Better than not writing at all angst…
November 30th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Eli, you had me LMAO! So true, all the lows and highs. And lows again.
Gwynlyn, we know you’ll get your GH entry in and that you’ll survive it all, the way you always do. HUGS!
November 30th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Eli,
Great post!
Oh, I so hear the part about that middle-of-the-book-tear-your-hair-out-I-completely-suck-as-a-writer-moment. I have at least one of those per book when I stalk the house like a black cloud and my family avoids eye contact in case I vent my angst on them.
I once tried to explain my fears and frustrations to my husband who pointed out quite unsympathetically, “You’re the one who wanted to do this for a living.”
I’ve since learned to suffer through the process in silence.
November 30th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Loved your blog, Eli! I’m presently at the ‘What am I going to work on?’ phase.
November 30th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Hi Elisabeth
That was so good. You’ve obviously gotten over the Chapter One -” how do I hook them” issue LOL.
Just got my copy of Romantic Times & saw the awesome
review Stolen Seduction received. No angst yet. Always wish there was more money to be generous with at Christmas but it’s all good. We just buy for the kids now. Besides I get my books whenever I want so it’s Chritmas all year for me.
November 30th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Gwynlyn…OMG, the dear thing had me doing a double take. So glad you are okay! And after reading your comment I have no doubt you’ll get that GH entry done and off. You only started the book in late October? Okay, I am officially awed.
(BTW…I did go run, and it DID help! Tho I had an epiphany this afternoon about changing an element of the book and now it means I’ll have to change everything from that point on. Can you hear me groaning here????)
November 30th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
LOL, Maureen. Yeah, non writers just don’t get it, do they?
Thanks, Donnell. Skin is still intact. For now…
Theresa, I’m usually pretty even tempered myself. But writing is a whole other world for me.
November 30th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Deb…how could I forget the revision stage?! *Smacks hand against head – again* Yes. Definitely an angsty stage there as well.
Gail – oh, my heroes are always on my nerves. When I was writing STOLEN SEDUCTION I wanted to kill the hero. And I’m not kidding. I actually wrote his death scene. And my CP kindly pointed out that killing off the hero in a romance kind of negates the whole ‘happily ever after’ thing I’m going for. (In retrospect, I think she had a point.) What’s funny is, to date, THAT hero (in STOLEN SEDUCTION) is my favorite hero I’ve written. I just love him. And yet, I wanted to kill him. Go figure.
I’m also ACK!-ing with you on the renovation thing. So glad you’re getting away for the weekend. Have a WONDERFUl trip!
November 30th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Beth – way to go on getting back to writing. That is awesome!!!
Cate – *sigh* at least someone’s enjoying my angst.
Thanks for the comment. Happy I could make you smile.
Alix – LOL at your hubby’s comment. Why do they always say that? Hence why I didn’t even try to explain my mood to the DH yesterday.
November 30th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Laurie – oh, I want to be at that stage! Enjoy it!
Mary – aw, thanks, hon. That was a pretty good review. I need to pop over to Borders and pick up my copy!
November 30th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
I love this! Oh, the rollercoastering emotions that go with writing a book. I’m currently revising, so it’s not bad. I like revising. It’s dredging through the first writethrough that, like you, makes me tear out my hair.
November 30th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Hahaha! You nailed it! Fantastic!
November 30th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
You know, I think I go through those sorts of mood swings with EVERY project I take on, whether it’s a manuscript, a website, or a home improvement project. I must be higher-strung than I thought!!
I’m definitely angsting now… Christmas is coming, and I have some serious home reorg that I need to get done in the next two months *without* having the house all torn apart during the holidays. Ack!
Good luck with *your* angst, Eli! Hope you find a little zen soon!
November 30th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Thanks, Leshia.
And Laura – breathe. I’ll repeat it to you if you repeat it right back to me.
December 1st, 2009 at 11:05 am
Sorry I missed this party yesterday, but angst, angst, angst!!
I’ve enjoyed the comments from everyone too and will be keeping this one close.
Question: Why do we do it???
And, thanks for the laughs, Eli!!
~Caroline